Bella's REVENGE
by replica.of.bella
Summary: Now a vampire, what will Bella do when her family continues to intrude on her privacy? READ & REVIEW! Rated M for lemony situations. Same old pairings.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, although the plot does. They were created by the fantastic Stephanie Meyer.

**Author's Note:**** My first somewhat-lemony humorous story – what will Bella do when her family goes too far? READ AND FIND OUT. Bella's POV**

_Chapter One – Interruptions _

I stroked his perfectly proportioned face, running my smooth thumb over his crystal lips and powdery eyelids. He slowly breathed out, into my mouth. I sighed and he wrapped his stone cold arms around my slim torso, as we interlocked legs, ankles twining together. He rubbed his nose back and forth across the sensitive skin near the inside of my arm. I clutched him closer as he leaned in towards my face, ocher eyes aligned with mine. His lips brushed along the corner of my mouth, and I moaned his name, pressing against him –

"WOOO! Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?" Both Edward and I shot up out of our king-sized bed, him launching himself in front of Emmett, glaring him down as Emmett stood nonchalantly, arms crossed across his buffed up chest. I tumbled out of the air and cracked my rock solid forehead on the mahogany bedside table near the corner of the iron posts. Unfazed, I rolled across the carpet and hopped up beside Edward. No matter. We still had at least three more finished cabinets in the garage… I think.

"EMMETT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" demanded my rigid husband. Emmet just chuckled, punching Edward across the shoulder. "Hey, it's not my fault you choose to act out your sexual urges in public areas!" I sighed, patting Emmett on the forearm. "Em, we're in a bedroom. OUR bedroom." He looked like he was about to say something, but stopped himself. Edward fumed. "Get…out." "But!" I grabbed Emmett's shoulders and guided him toward the door. I heard Edward clenching his granite fists together behind me, mumbling incoherent curses about his over-intrusive brother. I outwardly groaned, and leaned up on my toes to whisper into my brother's ear. "I know you're…concerned, but if you, erhm, vacate the vicinity, I'll put in a good word for you with Rose."

At this, my giant teddy bear stood up straighter, whirling around and smiling down at me, looking serious for once. "You will? You really mean it?" I laughed melodiously, slapping his hand. "Of course I mean it! You deserve some more time with the one you cherish and desire most, especially at…such times. Now run along and go bother Carlisle." He grinned wildly, literally bouncing out the door with a frenzied rhythm. "THANKS BELLA!" he screamed jubilantly as he hopped down the hall, shaking the whole house. "VAMPIRE HEARING, REMEMBER?" I rolled my eyes, and turned to face my one true love. I let in a little gasp as he appeared right before me, centimeters away from my face.

"That was nice of you. I hadn't thought that you cared so much about Emmett's romantic predicaments. In fact, weren't you on Rosalie's side on this matter?" He had lifted me with one arm and carried us back into our bedroom, slamming the door while kissing my wrists. I smiled sheepishly up at my angel. Rosalie had been seriously annoyed by Emmett when he failed to show up to the wedding for the third time – THEIR wedding of course, an extra big one, to celebrate their 80th anniversary together. And this time, she didn't forgive him. In fact, Rose had been ignoring her husband altogether for about two and a half weeks now, an extremely long period of time for the usually extremely physical couple.

"Well, I had to do SOMETHING to salvage the moment. Besides, I'm sick of hearing Rosie complain about this and that while I only have wonderful things to say about our… flawless relationship." He had finished kissing up my arm, and was tracing his tongue in intricate patterns around the hollow of my icy neck. I noticed he was heading for the bathroom door. "Well, since you had to get your hands dirty cleaning up this mess… why don't you let me clean up my exquisitely beautiful wife," Edward mumbled into my skin. I shuddered, and rubbed up against his chest, letting out a throaty purr. He locked eyes with mine, alighting passion and fire in mine. He practically flew us across the shiny tiles, turning on the shower and slowly and painstakingly undressed me in his arms, lifting my blue sweater and bra over my head as I shrugged out of my jeans. He began to kiss down my throat and to my chest, slowly sucking a line towards my breasts when suddenly –

"WHOAH! Sorry, sorry! Didn't know you guys were in here!" I snapped my head around, hair flipping around towards the doorway. There stood a sheepish Jasper and a stunned Carlisle, frozen in shock at the sight of Edward's mouth on my nipple while I lay there limply, only in my panties. As quick as a lightening flash, steam swirled and I was immediately hidden behind the shower curtain while Edward stood towering over Jasper. I was still numb from having my older brother and father see me in such a compromising state. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouted a slightly stunned Edward, shaking Jasper by the shoulders. "GET… OUT!"

But as a seemingly guilt-ridden Carlisle futilely attempted to back away from the room, Jasper gulped in a taste of the violently lustful atmosphere and began to sway back in forth, projecting his feelings to Edward, Carlisle, and me. Edward was suddenly by my side, continuing fervently where he left off while I pushed him against the wall, licking up his stomach. Carlisle began to moan and writhe on the carpet, hugging the air as Jasper began to make out with the doorjamb. The moans and groans and bangs and cries rang out across the house, the town, maybe even the country as I finally noticed a black camcorder stuck high up in the alcoves of the bathroom. I shrieked, pulled away from a very naked Edward, and threw a towel over the screen. But it was too late. Half of my family was already caught on tape.

A/N: CLIFFY! I'll update again soon, so PLEASE x 100,000,000 review me. Thanks!


	2. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:

I'm not going to apologize for not updating in a long time like most Fan Fiction authors do. I really don't aim to be rude or mean by doing this, but I don't think it is right to dish out the "I'm so sorry's" and "My next chapter will be up soon's" when I've been juggling school, homework, two plays, a talent competition, forensics, tutoring, All County Chorus, concerts, and friends for the last month. But, I really do thank everyone for all the amazing reviews, and I do promise to get the next chapter out in about a day or so... it may not be so great, or it may be short, but it's better than nothing, plus it'll probably stimulate me to write.

So, keep on the lookout for the next chapters of "All a Dream," and "Bella's Revenge," - _COMING SOON!_


	3. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: Nothing belongs to me except the plot - the rest goes to Stephanie Meyer.

Author's Note: So, this was written kinda fast, and I just wanted to toy around with some ideas. If it sounds confusing, I plan to edit it a little later as the plot thickens... everything will string up, trust me.

Chapter Two - Explanations

I swayed and fell forward, the smooth bathroom counter crunching beneath my marble skin. I dug my iron-like nails into the stone, creating long scratches on the delicate finish. "ARGH!" I spun around, bumping into a ferociously violent-looking Jasper, who would've been redder than me as an embarrassed human if he had blood rushing through his now-frozen veins. "...Jas...per?" His eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. I shrunk against the unused toilet as he stalked toward me, cracking his knuckles.

"Bella... Bella... Bella..." I nodded my head fervently, now crouched in the corner next to a toilet bowl brusher, and wondering how my anger caused this sudden streak of hatred. "Yeah, Jasper?" I asked in a shaky voice. "Bella. Bella. Bella." I cringed as he took his golden hair in his trembling hands. "BELLA! BELLA! BELLA!" That was it. "JASPER, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I lost a bit of my courage as his rigid face leered closer to mine. "All these years, I've hated the hold you have on Edward. Why him? Why would you choose a gutless little brooding chicken when you could have... ME!"

My shock was interrupted by Carlisle, who had suddenly stood up and was in the middle of wrapping a flailing Edward into the shower curtain. I awkwardly turned back to Jasper, who was staring at me with a hungry expression on his face. It was quite disturbing. "Okay, Jasper, I think now would be the time to radiate some calm around here." He was lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, muttering something about "Alice," "cu-tips," and "the camera." I took his face in my hands and shook it back and forth. "WHEN I SAY NOW, I MEAN NOW, BUCKO!" He just kept murmuring his random words.

"Oomph!" Edward had just ripped a tile from the floor and was battering it over Carlisle's head while the latter frantically groped for the tap, ripping off the faucet and swinging it back - "OUCH - HEY!" Rosalie was standing in the doorway, rubbing her shoulder and tossing the faucet behind her, which crashed through the window and into the garden. "HEY - OW!" Esme came blurring up, holding the extremely dented tap in her hand. "Hey ya'll, what's all the commotion?" Emmett came in with Alice on his back, as her eyes suddenly clouded over and she grinned wickedly, grabbing the faucet from Esme and conking it over Emmett's head.

"OWIE, OWIE!" Emmett bounced around the bathroom, knocking everything over and... the camera fell, splintering across the floor and ejecting a charcoal-black tape. He stopped. "Ooo, Emmett likes!" By this time, everyone was clutching their bodies in the pain that Jasper was projecting. Alice blurred over in the sudden rush of enthusiasm and snatched the tape away from Emmett. She grinned. "Just what I've been waiting for!" I lunged for the devilish pixie. "NOOO!"

We crashed through the wall of the bathroom, sailing down through three landings and shattering Esme's glass coffee table in the sitting room. As we wrestled, somehow the tape went flying and landed in Rosalie's arms. She laughed haughtily and dangled it from two fingers. "Is THIS what you're looking for?"

We both froze, and looked over at her slowly. "Hand it over Rose, please, be a sister!" I breathed. Alice gave her sister the best puppy dog face I have ever seen. Evil little pixie. "Rosie, give the tape to me! This is part of... er... THE plan." Rosalie stopped her mocking and gave Alice a curious look. "Oh, so THIS is it? Hah, very smooth." Everyone else except for Jasper looked appraisingly at the seemingly innocent tape and back to the three of us.

Edward rushed over and held me close to his side, threatening Rosalie and Alice with his glare, though he really didn't know what was going on. I realized we were both naked, and grabbed a large pillow to shield both of us as Jasper gawked, pausing in his muttered tirade of, "Alice," "cu-tip," and "tape." Wait - Alice... tape? Then it came to me. "ALICE! This is all you're fault, I know it! Why on EARTH would you put a video camera in OUR bathroom? Our BATHROOM!" Edward also seemed to come to the same realization as me, and tried to run toward Rosalie while I held him back, reminding him he was still totally nude. We both pointed at Alice and Rosalie threateningly. "Give that tape back! Compromising secrets of ages untold are hidden in its darkest depths." Edward waved his fist at the sky. Alice giggled, and looked at the two of us with a sparkle in her eye.

"THAT'S exactly WHY I did it, you sillies. How else am I supposed to know if your love life is going well, what with Edward being so prudent and... well, quite weird, and with you being nervous and shy? Trust me, this is for your own good. Finally, a family video that I will actually enjoy!" I cringed in horror and embarrassment. "Alice, you're a PSYCHIC! If you had to make sure that things were... er... going well, then why couldn't you have just had a vision?" She bounced over to Jasper, who was now huddled in a corner near a flower vase, muttering about cu-tips - he must be obsessed. "Sorry dahlings, but I was a tad... distracted," she simpered as she stroked Jasper's face lovingly. Jasper nuzzled her neck, apparently cured of his stupor and of his odd obsession with me.

Emmett stepped forward. "Okay, I'm still really confused. Why can't you just walk in on them? I do that all the time." Edward rolled his eyes. "What, you think I'm not MAN enough to watch you guys?" growled Emmett. "What's THAT supposed to mean?" Edward bared his teeth. Carlisle stepped forward, calming the two. "Now, it's obvious that we have a problem here. It seems that you two want a bit more privacy -" "Yah think?" Carlisle shrugged. "-but, you are the only couple currently at newlywed status in this house, and if everyone else wants to have a little fun toying around with you, I'm all for it."

Edward and I stared blankly at him. "WHAT? Are you insane?" Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett laughed cruelly. Alice waved the video in the air. "Now, who wants to see Edward and Bella's First Ever Home-Video?" Five hands pointed in the air as Esme pointed at us scathingly while we hobbled up the stairs, covering ourselves with the sofa cushion and attempting to drown out the laughs from our family below. As we reached our room, my love and I looked into each other's eyes, both full of pure hatred and determination - "It's payback time."

A/N: Hooray for the mild cliffy! Even if you hate this, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! It's much appreciated, plus it'll make me develop this story faster. :)


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